Friday, November 04, 2005

Oh, We Missed The Apple

We were slurping down healthy and nutritious yoghurt in front of the television when an advert for the verdant tropical paradise of Tahiti appeared. "Oh, that reminds me," sez Cutesome, "Marty Markowitz has a campaign ad running on TV - I caught it yesterday just before this advert." Not good. "Argh!" we scream, "how did the sacred and the scatalogically profane become so entwined in your sweet little mind? How could you associate the majestic beauty of Bora Bora with the disgraceful scumclown foisted on our fair Borough by the Democratic machine? Scrub your brain, or go into mental reprogramming. Better yet, smoke this drain cleaner. We can take away the pain."

So, after Cutesome exits, pursued by a flaming tube of Comet, we settle down to watch NY1. And the advert appears. Marty Markowitz, president of a Borough that would be one of the top ten cities in the US in its own right, is using amateur slapstick to persuade us to vote for him.

One of his friends has gamely decided to babble Marty's achievement's over an abridged version of the William Tell Overture. The video is heavy on Marty's televised stunts and South Brooklyn landmarks. Nary a mention of Marty's new pet stadium project, even though the plans apparently look rilly cool.

What we do get are shots of Marty getting his blood pressure taken, and one of him not wearing a top. Which means that we too, will now have to scramble our brains with a hefty drag on the drain cleaner can. The advert provides proof positive that Marty apparently revels in this description of his time in the State Senate in the New Yorker:

In Albany, he was better known for bringing bagels, dyed green for St. Patrick’s Day, to the Senate chamber than for any legislative innovations

It's fairly certain that by including the maximum number of children possible in the ad, as well as getting his friend with the stranged voice to yelp "schools" and "jobs" every now and then, he is reinforcing his reputation as a genial and harmless booster in the minds of less serious voters. Still it's a sodding horrible ad.

Coming up, the NIN review.


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