Beep You, You Beepin' Beep

You would think that Gringcorp would have enough to tackle, playing tastemeister of the scuzz rock scene, spouting tired liberalism with the anti-Gonzales crew, making facile comparisons between New York and London, and leaving mawkish missives for cutesome companion lying around.

But we have a sidleine in covering municpal politics, as long-time readers, at least whichever one of them it was that didn't BLEAT LIKE A CHILD at not getting a post for a whole day, will know. And this time we are not refering to the overweight windbag that passes for political leadership in Brooklyn.

We caught Manhattan's very own Marty, Borough President C Virginia Fields, on NY1 this morning. "C", or "Virginia", as she is known to her friends (her enemies call her simply "Le Mort Du Timpani"), is apparently considering a run for mayor. As your fearless NY1 reporter made clear, there will need to be some increase in profile before she could aspire to taking down Mayor Mike. The poor lady does not even get a .gov domain name.

NY1's current crusade to give us more hard news from the outer boroughs must be causing its reporters to want to gouge out their own eyes. Because between the Manhattan Beep (that's hep jargon for Borough President) , and Helen Marshall's utterly inconsequential "State of the Borough" address (links to a pdf), it is apparent that the talent pool outside of the Mayor and council is rather shallow.

Marty we can sort of understand, since he does make good on his statement that he desires nothing more than to lead Brooklyn, make a fool of himself, and cut deals with, yes, Bruce Ratner. The idea of these placemen being put in front of a more discerning audience than a gaggle of sedated schoolchildren is absurd (come to think of it, that's the only one fit for that ghastly harridan Shelly Goldberg, as well).

It would seem to us that the Beeps, who are officially only really in charge of Good News and Nice Things, are spectacularly badly suited to being mayor. You need a slightly nasty streak to do the job, or have a serious disposition towards Vengeance. Bloomberg, priggish, aloof, dictatorial, fits the bill splendidly, as did Rudy. Until C Virginia Fields shoots, prosecutes, cusses out, disses, sues, or sits on someone evil, important, or both, it will be hard to take her even slightly seriously.

New Yorkers demand nutjob rulers, and hysterical reporters for that matter. Leave the niceness to the Beeps, and the human interest news stories to the insubstantial cloud of eyelashes that is Jill Scott. Please..

P.S. If you're a sloper who is rather attached to the sleepy yet interesting atmosphere that characterises Fifth Avenue, take some time to sign this petition, to stop Commerce Bank building a big-ass drive-thru bank on the spot opposite Blue Ribbon currently occupied by a bunch of vintage sports cars. And from giving Julia Louis-Dreyfus any more work.