Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The A*s-Man Cometh

Today's constitutional in Prospect Park was mostly ruined by Gifford Miller's signs at Grand Army Plaza. But Eric Blackwell, running for city council, came pretty close, and since we've already taken a harrowing look into Giff's adolescent mind, we will take a brief look at the contents of Eric's head. Short on stadium rhetoric, but seems committed to making downtown Brooklyn less crappy. We approve, and if you think that's crappy political analysis, then ask yourself, what the hell would a disenfranchised omniscient pansexual being akin to a gas know about your humon political process?

Still, why is a chap who is looking to represent Downtown pimping for votes up in Park Slope? It could be because, like Sandy Hook before it, the Times has decided it's the trendiest place to campaign. You can see the article (for the time being, and with registration, or using Bugmenot) here. Its central point is that since Brownstone Brooklyn (epicentre one P. Slope) is so full of rich, well-meaning, civic-minded people, it's a key battleground for aspiring city-wide candidates.

The article is probably true, and if it is, we think that the stadium opponents should be spending more time deep in the slope than they have so far. It is, we must concede, important that representatives that will be directly affected by the project be involved, and that there are the proper representations to city hall, the courts, etc. But it's really important that more of the mayoral candidates know that more of this demographic is upset at the stadium. If the slope can't be made upset at the project (and we appreciate that the opponents have made efforts) then it will be hard to stop. We just need to haul the little buggers out of their accursed record shops first.

On a related matter, can we note that the candidates for public advocate are much more exciting than those for mayor? Rasiej - very cool. Norman Siegel - very cool. Betsy Gotbaum - the incumbentclown. A much more interesting line-up than the stooges currently competing to be beaten senseless by Mikey. Yesyesyes, the astoundingly orange Mark Green (now running for state AG) was once advocate and became a miserable candidate for mayor, but it's refreshing to see some people with ideas have a platform for them in city government.

And now we would like to issue a shout-out to the A*sMan. A*sMan is, like us, a frequent user of the Q-Train, and is rather tall. He always wears a pastel-colored shirt with the top few buttons undone and a white t-shirt showing, black pants and shades underground. He always grimaces at people, and looks as if he scraped the other occupants of the carriage from his shoe. The haircut is somewhat reminiscent of mid-period Gary Cole.

So why do we call him A*sMan? Because we first noticed him a while back leaning against one of the poles in the carriage. Not the ones in the centre, which are fair game provided the car's not too busy, but one just above a seat. The guy in the seat is looking severely agitated at this black-clad a*s in his face, and eventually pipes up "Hey man, can you just, you know, get your a*s out my face?". At which an epic struggle goes on in A*sMan's head, deciding whether to accede to this mortal's request, or to exercise his divine right to place his a*s where he pleases. In the end he shifts over to another side of the (slightly busy) car, and stares ominously at the a*s-objector for the rest of the trip.


Post a Comment

<< Home