Ass Was The Year That Was

What do you do when the gap between Christmas and New Year when the abundance of food turns your brain into goo, and the presence of relatives turns you, once again, into the imbecile you once were? That's right, children, lists and awards. Here's our list-tastic list of lists of award winners.

Stacy Sutton Award For Screaming So Irritating You Wish That the Badlets Would Bring Sweet Release Right Now - Dakota Fanning, War Of The Worlds. In her defence, we've seen a bunch of Slopelets behave just as badly.

Ten reasons to lay off the blogs:

1. Fitzmas
2. Butterstick
3. Gilliard hearts the TWU
4. 90% Of Gothamist
5. Clublife going avant-garde
6. The Next Hurrah - not enough hours in the day
7. Safari's RSS - like most RSS, not that time-saving if you're obsessive
8. Digitising vinyl is the new refreshing web pages repeatedly while waiting for indictments
9. Banana Nutrament's no-wave obsession
10.Maybe this blog would be less like porridge - lumpy and lukewarm

Five Fifth Ave restaurants that must die:

1. Moutarde
2. 200 Fifth
3. Convivium. Too rude, and you have to remember, I'm english.
4. Mekong
5. Lobo P. slope

Five Fifth Ave restaurants that must live:

1. Melt
2. Tempo
3. Bogota Bistro
4. Stone Park Cafe
5. Belleville (providing it goes back to the old menu)

Five sorely missed Slope places

1. St Mark's Bistro
2. Biscuit
3. That empty lot that's now a Commerce Bank
4. The empty Underberg building. Eulogised by Lethem, now to be demolished
5. City Lighting. Not that I hate the Burrito place that's now there, but I really liked the bar.

Gig I'm Most Cross To Have Missed - The final Rocket From The Crypt show

Gumby Fresh SO IS a rock pig:

1. Gringcorp ate all the meat
2. Fine wines and industrial go so fine together
3. Brooklyn's stoners get served
4. Twin Keyspan Park Attack!
5. CBGBs produces best line-up in years. We still mock it
6. Sufjan won all the awards. We drank downstairs
7. Gringcorp flees key wielding Guido cokeheads
8. We scope the Preznit's bald spot
9. Gringcorp flirts with deportation
10. The War On Marty. We will never be defeated. Even when we are

Coming up in 2006 - the first person singular. I'm sick of being in the same gang as Gawker.

Happy New Year. The present is the only good Oasis song. Not only is it not dead, it has the best chorus ever:

Oasis - "Acquiesce"
Here you can buy "The Masterplan", a relic of a more civilised age