Monday, August 28, 2006

Death To The Keytar

Today, in fantastically stupid instrument news, we have a couple of plucky but doomed instruments looking to stem the flood of pretentious musicians heading into keyboards. The stakes in this battle, as you can imagine, are pretty high. For starters, the faux-box-pimping no-marks of 33Hz would have to rethink much of their aesthetic.

The most interesting new entrant is the Tritare, a Canadian instrument that has been constructed along rigorous mathematical principles, and produces "non-harmonic sounds". The sound is described as something between a guitar and a gong, and is presumably soon to wake many hippies from their torpor/freak them the hell out. Apparently any current guitar player can master it quite quickly, although the Norwegian death metal scene would seem to be the most appropriate source of customers.

Not so the Pikasso, which lurched from the mind of Pat Metheny, and features 42 strings. "42", of course, being the answer to "How many ways can I freak Yngwie J. Malmsteen the hell out?" I have no idea how practicable this instrument is. Apparently, like certain brands of sanitary product, it is contoured to one's body, just as long as that body belongs to Pat Metheny.

Anyhoo, on closer inspection, it turns out that this geetar has been in existence for over 22 years, which hardly makes it a prime candidate for storm trooper in the Keytar Wars. More importantly, it fails to take into account recent advances in FRICKIN' LASER HARPS, devices which will someday make all regular music obsolete.

[UPDATE - Dearie me, looks like we even have something topical to offer you.

Frank Zappa - "My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama"
Yep, you can indeed find "Weasels Ripped My Flesh" here.]


Post a Comment

<< Home