The New Pat

We've all (those without cable have no rights) got used to the smiling cheery aboot-spewing mush of Pat Kiernan on NY1. I'm starting to think that the host of "In The Papers Is Sponsored By Sleepys The Mattress Professionals Home Of The Incredible Price Guarantee" might be getting sucked up in his own counter-culture cred.

All hail, then, the station's newest star - TV reviewer Dalton Ross. Ross, a reviewer at Entertainment Weekly, already has a following through his print work - see here. On the telly, he looks like an amiable, rather grim, corpse-chewer, and even, maybe, has a little of the "slack-jawed hipster", as Michael might say, about him. But he's sound, very funny, while at the same time holding a proundly depraved view of man's nature. Still, I guess endless viewing of Fox realty series will do that to you. Whatever, he kicks the ass of Owen Gleiberman, or god forbid, Neil Rosen, the movie critics who pollute NY1.

The Knights Exemplar

Just been going through the Observer's comment, and read Will Hutton's piece on Bush and the US, mostly because I assumed it was going to be another a rant about how superior the European social democratic model is. I happen to share that view, but feel that Hutton has again misunderstood the American experience. I have always felt that the conservatives here, when railing at the innovations introduced by the New Deal, did have a point. These were innovations, and I'm never sure they properly bedded down. It is worth noting that the most positive American interventions abroad conincided with the high point of credibility for New Deal economics. Its decline dovetailed neatly with the decline in the credibility of the US overseas. This faith in individualism and disdain for the state predates the neocons, is evident in Thomas Paine, and explains the thinking behind the Monroe Doctrine.

By the same token, Eastern Europeans in the 1980s adored the American example, and Kuwaiti teenagers called George do exist, so the model is rarely universal.

A**wipes Anonymous

Speechless with rage at American Airlines (no link needed, as you'll know if you are either a recovering drunk or a British car enthusiast) - one cancelled flight, one broken down plane, and one lost reservation in the course of 24 hours. Top work. Fervent prayers they go the way of United and US Air although I must say their staff are quite pleasant while going about being awe-inspringly incompetent.

Big up to the Chicagy Gay Pride parade, although the screaming cops were a little jarring. I know the New York Cops have this reputation for being a little evol, but they have tended to be largely silent and deadly recently. But the Chicagy cops are super-badass, and really give you a mouthful. I think the spirit of '68 still resides in them. Speaking of massive police intemperance, did you see that William Bratton has decided to look at whether it is a good idea for cops to beat people up with flashlights? Looks like he's got a harder job than we thought cleaning that force up. Even Rudi did not have to weigh in with a "no broomsticks" rule.

Brookie bashing

Lukey D.'s quite obviously biased cuttlefish-dissing site has the Brooklyn Bridge as the number three bridge of all time, behind the rather insipid Sydney Bridge. This despite the fact that Sydney is quite plainly a rather simple minded scam to sell more opera tickets, and as a structure is rather derivative of the Tyne Bridge. The Tyne Bridge takes you to Gateshead. Whoopy Do. In fact, the only bridge that comes close to the mighty Brooklyn Bridge is the Humber Bridge, and that only because it beat the Verrazano Bridge in a fair fight, and even then it only makes it to number 2. So don't go ranking bridges when you don't have yer foundations. M'K?

Ted Or Dead

We shall be missing both free Ted Leo shows this summer. The one Friday 25th, as well as the one on July 24th. Oh goody.

Oi! Saletan! No!

Slate's William Saletan is all huffy at criticism of his Kerryisms column. Here's some more - they're boring and illuminate nothing. The idea proceeds from the assumption that Bushisms are anything more than cheap laughs at POTUS' mangling of the mother tongue. Or Jacob Weisberg's summer house. Stop it. Please

Take Me out To The Bazaar-Park

So, I went to the home opener of the mighty Brooklyn Cyclones , and they manged to fart and stumble their way to a 4-3 win over the Upstarts from Upstate, the Hudson Valley Renegades. (Speaking of upstate idiots, the Beer Drinking Fools are playing their last show ever at the Acme Underground in NYC Friday. A couple of months back they were being heckled about coming from Schenectady, and took it badly, depsite it being utterly untrue. Still, troopers and all that)

Single A baseball is super-kewl, despite being a pet project of Mayor G, although home runs are as rare as rocking horse doo-doo. It also has ultra-rare ads that you never see up in the more rarified sections of Brooklyn, as well as namechecks for neighborhoods you never hear mentioned on NY1 . And somehow the fact that everything is for sale just makes it more charming, unlike the Nextel call to the bullpen on MLB games, or whatever. Probably because the businesses are mostly more niche. Although the poor Hudson Valley designated hitter probably did not want to be forever associated in the minds of the Coney baseball afficionados with Papa John's pizza.

Final rant. Those Ed Koch "Be nice to the Republicans when they come into town" ads. Did anyone do any marketing research into whether jumping up and down like a meth-loco gibbon at poor people from Texas asking for directions was a good response? There are some people who would only be elected in NY, and scare the holy f***ing crap out of mortals. Trust me.

Tool time

The easy response to Christopher Hitchen's attack on Michael Moore's new film is to note that the (in my opinion amazing) Trials of Henry Kissinger played at the Film Forum on Houston Street, while Fahrenheit 911 is likely to be bringing in the pimps and okies from off of Times Square.

But you could also answer quite a few of his points from the detached elitist, oh-so-smug liberal viewpoint, and say that if George Bush was the deeply flawed means of removing one of the vilest rulers in the middle east (and Mr. H has always been careful to stop short of loving the messenger), then Michael Moore is the deeply flawed means of removing George W Bush.

Plus he's from Michigan, and can therefore do no wrong. Bit trite that, but I'd rather send some liberals into a movie theater to work up some anger than spend hours parsing the 9-11 Commission's findings, which seem more opaque than Hitch, or the New York Times, for that matter, say.

It seems I was somewhat premature

He's back, and bringing the world a unique take on the lives of Leopard Seals, etc ad nauseam. This time it's from Australia, where Mr. "Lukey" D. will try and outdo Badgerwatch in the wildlife boredom stakes.

The Land Down Under, however, is an odd place for such a, er, webcast, for three reasons:

1) He said to me on numerous occasions that the denizens of Oz were drunken, humourless bores. True Fact.
2) Has threatened on several occasions to put the proffered Vegemite sandwich "where the sun don't shine".
3) Has confessed that his long-repeated claim to have relatives there cannot be true since he was birthed by Peruvian Manatees.

Still, you decide...

Regulate stoop sales now

Even more annoying than the pirate CD people at the 14th street F. Sometimes commerce will strangle itself. This lot have taken the ritual from cute to annoying.

The Leopard Sleeps Tonight

The inestimable Mr. Luke Donnellan, for whom "Mammals of the Sea" and "Suitable subject for gonzoid filth" are interchangeable, has been laying down the fat spotted tracks on his excellent how-to guide for learning to love Leopard Seals for several months now.

There has been little activity of late, perhaps down to the fact that he has found someone within his own species to stalk. But we live in hope.

Why I Changed my headphones

To avoid being worth "jamming". Michael the hipster-in-denial pointed this one. It would be aposite if it came from Red Hook, but was actually in the city. Eyeteeth also reminded me that I was meant to sort out a blog - the last one displeased me.