Still, while we're on the subject of how to get away with lazy music journalism, allow us to draw to your attention Mr Agreeable, a truly awe-inspiringly insulting fixture of Melody Maker in the 90s. Authored by David Stubbs, a lazy drunken Oxbridge graduate (respect!), Mr. Agreeable created an alternative universe where Morrissey was one's manservant, and no-one was any good at all. And one didn't need to do any research at all:
Black Francis, former frontman of The Pixies, has confounded onlookers by announcing that he plans a series of solo concerts in the near future.
Well, it doesn’t f***ing confound me! The reason he’s doing solo gigs is because the c***’s too fat to allow room for anyone else on the f***ing stage! He also does solo f***ing sofas, in case you hadn’t f***ing noticed!
Top Stuff. From that we can deduce that 1) Mr. Agreeable was never very prescient 2) There is something innately entertaining about long strings of swearing with asterisks. Indeed we might surmise that Mr. Stubbs hit upon comic gold a full decade before the Osbournes.