Santa After The Ninetieth Sherry...

..is not a pretty sight. And neither is the patron sain of solid unpretentious cooking, the Olympian Delia Smith. Delia, as well as being a fine maker of toad-in-the-hole, and the nearest England has to imprisoned minx Martha Stewart, also owns a football club, Norwich City.

Pace the Guardian, Delia may have had a couple of fine ales in the directors box, and decided to use Carrow Road like her own karaoke bar. Blaring out half-formed exhortations before she realised how silly she sounded. Imagine Martha saying this and you've pretty much got it:

This is a message for possibly the best supporters in the world. We need a 12th man here. Where are you? Where are you? Let's be 'avin you. Come on!"

Excellent. Celebrity chef lunacy on the scale of Paris Hilton beckons. We will never look at a sunday roast the same way again.